I believe I've found the number one reason love dies. We kill it with our own fears and pain.  Love really can't survive the blame game. How many of us carry a grudge against those who've hurt us, and see every new hurt as justification for our defensive attitudes, even our own hurtful actions. We automatically search for someone to blame for our pain, so we don’t have to examine our own habits of unforgiving resentment and suffering. This activity keeps us from feeling love for ourselves, for those who've hurt us, and for those who come along after.  I know that if we could forgive every hurt, we can love more. But I struggle with resentments, and the urge to blame. Even worse, I've thought that if they really loved me, they wouldn't hurt me so much!

My darling cat Pan was very helpful in teaching me about this recently. I was sleeping with Pan curled in my arm. I moved, she fell off the bed, and instinctively, she reached out to catch herself with her claws. She hung by my arm. Wow that hurt. She didn’t mean to hurt me personally, she was only saving herself.  I guess I needed this example to understand the lesson. Just the night before I had the thought that every time my loved one said or did something which hurt me, it wasn't intentional, but just an instinctive reaction to fear.  
But since I was in the habit of blaming, and taking these hurts personally, I didn’t really believe it.  Now I really understand it. Thanks  Pan! 

 


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